Journals60
Newest
Update
1 min read
Hi folks,
Been a while since I actually used Deviantart for art. I ve moved the majority of my artwork and activities to my FA page: milkgila and reddit: lazziewuff
Follow me there if you wanna see more of my art!
Also my last journal entry was 4 years ago. Those who know me personally, life s improved a lot, the last time I cried out of depression was a loooong while ago like a few years (used to be almost daily back then), i graduated University, and found a job as a science tutor at a prestigious local company.
If you wanna chat, i m always up for it! Hit me up on telegram : lazziewuff
See ya around!
Been a while since I actually used Deviantart for art. I ve moved the majority of my artwork and activities to my FA page: milkgila and reddit: lazziewuff
Follow me there if you wanna see more of my art!
Also my last journal entry was 4 years ago. Those who know me personally, life s improved a lot, the last time I cried out of depression was a loooong while ago like a few years (used to be almost daily back then), i graduated University, and found a job as a science tutor at a prestigious local company.
If you wanna chat, i m always up for it! Hit me up on telegram : lazziewuff
See ya around!
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[OPEN FOR COMMISSIONS]
1 min read
Hiya! I am open for commissions! Take a look at this page for more info!
You can note me here or send me an email @ lazziewuff@gmail.com
You can note me here or send me an email @ lazziewuff@gmail.com
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Open for Commissions
1 min read
Heya! I'm opening up slots for commissions, and here are the things I'd be open for:
Icons - fr. $12, depending on complexity of character and pose
Busts - fr. $20
Ref Sheets - fr. $50
- Front body and back body postures
- headshots $5 ea
- depending on how complex your character is, more will be charged!
Send me a note or email me at lazziewuff[at]gmail.com !
Icons - fr. $12, depending on complexity of character and pose
Busts - fr. $20
Ref Sheets - fr. $50
- Front body and back body postures
- headshots $5 ea
- depending on how complex your character is, more will be charged!
Send me a note or email me at lazziewuff[at]gmail.com !
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Vent
1 min read
Enough.
My blood is dripping,
From my cheek, flesh asunder,
Flows forth my life force.
My body, battered,shattered,
My will, persevere it has,
But waning it is.
My breath, heavy as they may be,
Betrays the exhaustion, my soul had endured.
My limbs, numb,
My eyes, blind,
My bones, shattered,
My will, broken.
Enough.
I cannot take anymore of this.
I did not choose this path,
but it was forced upon me.
Broken, shattered, despaired.
That is what I am.
Help.
My blood is dripping,
From my cheek, flesh asunder,
Flows forth my life force.
My body, battered,shattered,
My will, persevere it has,
But waning it is.
My breath, heavy as they may be,
Betrays the exhaustion, my soul had endured.
My limbs, numb,
My eyes, blind,
My bones, shattered,
My will, broken.
Enough.
I cannot take anymore of this.
I did not choose this path,
but it was forced upon me.
Broken, shattered, despaired.
That is what I am.
Help.
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Just need some help (vent)
4 min read
Hi guys,
It's no secret I've been battling depression for the past few years, but I just need some help. I need advice, or just anyone who can relate with me to some extent...
I feel like a complete failure. Here in Asia, it's a lot about studies, getting them grades and whatnot. 6 hears ago, I was chosen for a full scholarship to study in Singapore. I came from Indonesia, a very laid back place. I initially rejected it, I was terrified. I'm terrified of going overseas, alone, as a 15 year old kid. I was forced though. I had to, or else, someone promised to make my life hell back home.
So I left. I thought everything was fine, until an incident took place, that made me fear of losing the scholarship. If I do, my family would bear more debts, and I don't want it to happen. So I vowed to do my best, to study as hard as I could, because I was just terrified. I don't want to go back as a burden, eventhough I'm terrified. I didn't make many friends, but I remember the few who were nice to me, who I could share some small time with.
I just kept studying, tried my best, but I never made it out tops. I felt down because, I've really tried hard. All my time, I was on edge, the thought of losing that scholarship and being a burden just haunted me, for four years. That was the duration of the scholarship. 3 and a half years into it, I decided to make friends from all around the world, people whom I had a small chance of chatting with on FA, on dA. Then... I realized how little I have. I have no friends. Never even had a partner, not once in my life. My family is poor, rife with their own debts. I just felt like a big failure, as if I've made lots of big mistakes. I fell into depression, and I started cutting myself, since it made me feel as if I got what I deserved.
I went through my A levels at the end of the 4 year period. I was mid suicidal. My dad wasn't proud what I had gotten, and he started giving me cold glances, as if I'm an even bigger disappointment to him. My mother, over the years, she discarded my possessions that to me, meant the world. I lost my trust in her, but I still love her to this day. But, I just felt like I have nothing. No point to move on, nothing to hang onto.
I had to brave myself to talk to them. It took them 2 years to understand partially what pain I had been through, and how much effort I've actually put in. My father rescinded his opinions on me, and he tells me he's proud of what I've endured. My mother, she's still struggling to accept that I am not the person she wants me to be. She still loves me, I know, but I don't even talk to her, or dad nowadays. They're an ocean apart to me.
Now, I'm studying in the biggest university in South East Asia, and yet I still feel like a failure. I see people I know go into relationship, go for study exchanges, gain awards... and I'm just here. Afraid, to put in the effort, the fear of failing despite the effort I've put in, despite what very little I have. I don't know why I still go on, but I want to, and I need help. I just need someone to talk to.
It's no secret I've been battling depression for the past few years, but I just need some help. I need advice, or just anyone who can relate with me to some extent...
I feel like a complete failure. Here in Asia, it's a lot about studies, getting them grades and whatnot. 6 hears ago, I was chosen for a full scholarship to study in Singapore. I came from Indonesia, a very laid back place. I initially rejected it, I was terrified. I'm terrified of going overseas, alone, as a 15 year old kid. I was forced though. I had to, or else, someone promised to make my life hell back home.
So I left. I thought everything was fine, until an incident took place, that made me fear of losing the scholarship. If I do, my family would bear more debts, and I don't want it to happen. So I vowed to do my best, to study as hard as I could, because I was just terrified. I don't want to go back as a burden, eventhough I'm terrified. I didn't make many friends, but I remember the few who were nice to me, who I could share some small time with.
I just kept studying, tried my best, but I never made it out tops. I felt down because, I've really tried hard. All my time, I was on edge, the thought of losing that scholarship and being a burden just haunted me, for four years. That was the duration of the scholarship. 3 and a half years into it, I decided to make friends from all around the world, people whom I had a small chance of chatting with on FA, on dA. Then... I realized how little I have. I have no friends. Never even had a partner, not once in my life. My family is poor, rife with their own debts. I just felt like a big failure, as if I've made lots of big mistakes. I fell into depression, and I started cutting myself, since it made me feel as if I got what I deserved.
I went through my A levels at the end of the 4 year period. I was mid suicidal. My dad wasn't proud what I had gotten, and he started giving me cold glances, as if I'm an even bigger disappointment to him. My mother, over the years, she discarded my possessions that to me, meant the world. I lost my trust in her, but I still love her to this day. But, I just felt like I have nothing. No point to move on, nothing to hang onto.
I had to brave myself to talk to them. It took them 2 years to understand partially what pain I had been through, and how much effort I've actually put in. My father rescinded his opinions on me, and he tells me he's proud of what I've endured. My mother, she's still struggling to accept that I am not the person she wants me to be. She still loves me, I know, but I don't even talk to her, or dad nowadays. They're an ocean apart to me.
Now, I'm studying in the biggest university in South East Asia, and yet I still feel like a failure. I see people I know go into relationship, go for study exchanges, gain awards... and I'm just here. Afraid, to put in the effort, the fear of failing despite the effort I've put in, despite what very little I have. I don't know why I still go on, but I want to, and I need help. I just need someone to talk to.
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